Things I Miss From My Old Life

1.  My own washer and dryer.  I used to lament all the "wasted" space the machines took up in the only kitchen closet.  I did, however, always appreciate the luxury of kicking off my dirty clothes at the end of the day, turning dials and adding detergent, and waking up to a clean load of laundry.  I also felt great because I had always heard that electricity costs less when the demand is not as great. Hurrah for economizing!  I did not realize how fortunate I was not having to look for tokens or the correct combination of coins to do the washing.  Our code:  If the lid was up the load needed doing; if the lid was down the load was done.

2.  Debbyland.  My very first, very own dedicated space.  The exact red loveseat I wanted.  Dreamy, buttery yellow walls and an Alaska blue sky ceiling.  I let the ceiling paint drift down on the walls because I loved how it changed the dimensions of the room (I am a short girl.) and because I suck at cutting in paint.  I covered the wavy line where the colors collided with paper cutouts of favorite people and things.  Gene Krantz, lizards, bears, Mr. Spock.

                                       

3.  Broken stained glass mosaic I had going on the three panels of my bedroom window. Western exposure and the light in early evening could be breathtaking.  I always felt so creative and so lucky.

4.  Once in a very great while my mother would show up unexpectedly with deli chicken salad.  We would perch in my messy kitchen and actually talk.  I can't imagine that happening now.

5.  Our back yard had a very shady spot near the door. I had started a hosta specimen garden.  Oh, they were so beautiful.  I have photos of all the varieties in a notebook somewhere.  They had such pretty names.  Some had huge blue leaves and some had curly, tiny leaves.  They were magical.

                       

6.  The spiral staircase.

7.  Sleeping on my right hand side.  My ex used to call it my "sleep position."  It was the only one that worked in those late days of pregnancy.  I do not miss sharing a bed; but spooning with another human who was/probably still is a heat generating machine was quite pleasant.

8.  The front porch.  Tax refund money one year was used to replace the rotted board floors.  I got the deep seats I wanted, a scroll work detail, and lattice set on "the square" not on "the diagonal."  I thought that was such a unique touch.  Look, I know I've got style I just don't have the fortune to indulge it.  Never got to stain it the way I had hoped though.  But the breeze out there was a joy.

9.  Bent wire baker's rack.  In spring and summer this was my herb garden.  Terra cotta pots of different sizes.  I'd seed them and raise different oreganos, basil, thyme (never did well...), parsley, sage, and tarragon.  Dried them under the pilot light in the oven and had organic herbs for the rest of the year.  Actually this was the only gardening I was ever any good at.  No weeds and no bending and no sweat.

10.  The voices and faces of my daughters.  At all ages and all stages those three were ever changing, challenging, and special beyond words.  I was a lucky girl in that old life.