WARNING: Contains much too much information!
Yesterday I did something I have never done before in my life! I opened a package of new underpants, folded them, and placed them where I keep all my other underwear.
What made this an earth shattering, mind bending moment was this: These panties although granny styled through and through, were shiny, bright jewel colors AND slithery slinky, silky fabric! Ya Ha!
All my life I have worn huge cotton panties.
Why? Because I learned some very specific lessons growing up as a catholic fat girl. First of all, the occasion of sin was to be avoided at all costs. Silky panties definitely were in the sinful category. I was never sure why. I was pretty sure it had something to do with the way I'd sometimes feel kind of...well, unusual when I entertained certain thoughts. But, dearholyjesusandallthesaintsinheaven! This was a question NOT TO BE ASKED.
Also, colorful, silky panties cost extra. Money was not to be wasted on fat girls. I never questioned this rationale; in fact I doubt I was aware it existed. What I do know is when I started paying for my own panties I still couldn't bring myself to spend the extra money on cute under garments. I knew I wasn't worth it. Plain white cotton for me.
Finally, the only other person who should EVER be seeing me in my underwear was the doctor. So why in the name of god did I even need fancy schmancy panties????!!!! Enough said.
AND enough is enough! I desperately needed new underpants and I checked the "jewel tone, tricot/silk blend" box on the order form as fast as I could. Wrote my check and sealed the envelope before I could have second thoughts.
They came. They fit just fine. I haven't committed any sins that I am aware of. I don't feel especially pretty, but that would be asking an awful lot. I feel contained and I know all my jiggly bits are covered. I think they cost three dollars more than the white cotton units I usually buy. That's OK. I'm sixty years old. It's time I had the panties I want.
Special Note to my Monkey Reader: This post is not about blame. I know how important that is to you. It is about adult decisions. And it is about childhood lessons, intentional or inadvertent. I realize that "inadvertent" is a very big word. As Madonna says: "Look it up." Now I'm sipping my tea.
Yesterday I did something I have never done before in my life! I opened a package of new underpants, folded them, and placed them where I keep all my other underwear.
What made this an earth shattering, mind bending moment was this: These panties although granny styled through and through, were shiny, bright jewel colors AND slithery slinky, silky fabric! Ya Ha!
All my life I have worn huge cotton panties.
Why? Because I learned some very specific lessons growing up as a catholic fat girl. First of all, the occasion of sin was to be avoided at all costs. Silky panties definitely were in the sinful category. I was never sure why. I was pretty sure it had something to do with the way I'd sometimes feel kind of...well, unusual when I entertained certain thoughts. But, dearholyjesusandallthesaintsinheaven! This was a question NOT TO BE ASKED.
Also, colorful, silky panties cost extra. Money was not to be wasted on fat girls. I never questioned this rationale; in fact I doubt I was aware it existed. What I do know is when I started paying for my own panties I still couldn't bring myself to spend the extra money on cute under garments. I knew I wasn't worth it. Plain white cotton for me.
Finally, the only other person who should EVER be seeing me in my underwear was the doctor. So why in the name of god did I even need fancy schmancy panties????!!!! Enough said.
AND enough is enough! I desperately needed new underpants and I checked the "jewel tone, tricot/silk blend" box on the order form as fast as I could. Wrote my check and sealed the envelope before I could have second thoughts.
They came. They fit just fine. I haven't committed any sins that I am aware of. I don't feel especially pretty, but that would be asking an awful lot. I feel contained and I know all my jiggly bits are covered. I think they cost three dollars more than the white cotton units I usually buy. That's OK. I'm sixty years old. It's time I had the panties I want.
Special Note to my Monkey Reader: This post is not about blame. I know how important that is to you. It is about adult decisions. And it is about childhood lessons, intentional or inadvertent. I realize that "inadvertent" is a very big word. As Madonna says: "Look it up." Now I'm sipping my tea.
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