Clinic day and I looked out the window for my weather report. Sunny. Bright. Lovely. The trees are especially enticing. Lacey and shivery in the very early breezes.
Showered and shiny. Wearing the newest of my new pantie stash and an ever so comfy shirt.
Hobbled down the hall and once outdoors was nearly blown over by the wind.
This is not meant as idyllic imagery.
Rather, my canes were planted on the pavement and I was fighting to remain upright.
Waited it out. What choice did I have? Hurrying up is oom-possible.
Made it to the car.
Okey Dokey.
Drove to the clinic and parked in my usual "crips" spot. The wind is rocking Ancient Vehicle.
Usual wait time. Paperwork jumbles as they "update" their files and get most everything wrong.
No husband.
Knee and hip NOT back pain.
No income from work. And this is where the "I am obviously not worthy of medical care" panic/doldrums begin to rush in. Everyone is kind,as usual, I still feel like the freak in the carnival sideshow. Please don't let me start sobbing in the waiting room.
Doctor's visit and I tell her about some decisions I have made. I don't think she agreed. Tough. Prescriptions renewed. Tomorrow I am officially on the wait list for the pain clinic.
Could be six months if I am lucky. What do I do til then? Put my forms in my book bag and hobble to the car.
It's still really cold. I get inside. I shut the door. I am overwhelmed by self-pity and how goddam brave I am to keep doing what I did today. I sob with a modicum of privacy. I drive home
April had such a gentle, peaceful start. I guess the shit is about to hit the fan.
Showered and shiny. Wearing the newest of my new pantie stash and an ever so comfy shirt.
Hobbled down the hall and once outdoors was nearly blown over by the wind.
This is not meant as idyllic imagery.
Rather, my canes were planted on the pavement and I was fighting to remain upright.
Waited it out. What choice did I have? Hurrying up is oom-possible.
Made it to the car.
Okey Dokey.
Drove to the clinic and parked in my usual "crips" spot. The wind is rocking Ancient Vehicle.
Usual wait time. Paperwork jumbles as they "update" their files and get most everything wrong.
No husband.
Knee and hip NOT back pain.
No income from work. And this is where the "I am obviously not worthy of medical care" panic/doldrums begin to rush in. Everyone is kind,as usual, I still feel like the freak in the carnival sideshow. Please don't let me start sobbing in the waiting room.
Doctor's visit and I tell her about some decisions I have made. I don't think she agreed. Tough. Prescriptions renewed. Tomorrow I am officially on the wait list for the pain clinic.
Could be six months if I am lucky. What do I do til then? Put my forms in my book bag and hobble to the car.
It's still really cold. I get inside. I shut the door. I am overwhelmed by self-pity and how goddam brave I am to keep doing what I did today. I sob with a modicum of privacy. I drive home
April had such a gentle, peaceful start. I guess the shit is about to hit the fan.
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