Must Calm Down

Phone calls. Done.  Done.  Sort of done.  One appointment made but I know the directions she gave me are impossible.  That street ends at a barber shop.  It's easy she said.  You won't get lost she said.  Obviously she does not know me.  I stayed polite but she actually said she had to answer another line.  Wait.  Please put on someone who speaks with a lesser accent.  Please help me.

How to ask to please speak to a speech therapist when you cannot speak well enough to make yourself understood?  What do I do?  Breathe, breathe.  I'm sick of breathing.  I'm sick of this being so difficult.  I'm sick of feeling so damn stupid.  I used to be able to do all these things.  Stop.  Stop.  Please do not sob.  Not again.

What if the referrals don't get here?  I didn't get the fax numbers and now they are all out for lunch.  After then the meds will slam me down to sleep.  No fair.  I'm trying so hard.  I know this crap is so boring to hear about.  Believe me, it's even more boring and scary to be the one at this end.  And now the charge is gone on the phone.  And so I will miss any return call and then get yelled at for not answering the line.  This, any of this, is complicated for a normal regular person.

I'm trying so hard.