Self Reliance

My hospital stay began with an unusual quirk in my left thumb.




Not a heart attack as I supposed.

Blue, twingy, cold, drop full heavy, lack of movement.



"And you are taking a ride with us."

No pulse.  NO GODDAM PULSE!  How the hell is that possible?

It is and it is really, really bad.

Now, more than a month later, I can recognize that feeling.

No more calling 911.



No treatment available because other bleeding issues prevent the drug of choice.

Describe like this:  It will cause your brain to turn to mush and you will drop dead.

So...

I take my radial pulse and if it is there, even a teeny bit, I try to go back to sleep.




That's the self reliant part.

The sad part is that I am still unable to crochet as well as I could before.

Screw it.