Vanished

The weather has an unexpected result.  An entire population here at Elder House is...well...gone.

Smokers were long ago banished to the driveways and sidewalks around the building.  There are still plenty who smoke indoors as the stale fragrance in the halls will attest.  But, since the snow of the past few weeks, the hard core smokers cannot be found.  No butts tossed into the bushes.  No clouds of second hand aromas waft into my windows.  Where are these people?

Beer drinkers, too, seem to have disappeared.  I've heard some of my neighbors in the hallway plotting together to organize "runs" to the liquor store around the corner.  A resident rides his bicycle and comes back with big glass bottles loaded into his plastic carrier.  Like a drug deal for the elderly I guess.  When the snow is too deep or the ice too treacherous for him to make the trip the crankiness levels of drinkers in early withdrawal (ever so temporarily) escalate exponentially.  Doors slam.  Yelling occurs late into the night.  One resident has begun singing his lament at around four in the morning.  He may be the next to vanish.  Death by grouchy I bet.

And all the walkers of all the yappy little dogs have become invisible.  I hate to imagine where all the yappy dog excrement is being stored.  Perhaps they are all using an exit farther away or maybe the yappers have learned to use a toilet.  This is scary.

Yesterday my kitchen sink exploded and I had a waterfall for almost six hours.  Drenched carpet and filthy dishes.  Brand new yarn was soaked.  Warped book cases.  I desperately joked with the plumber this morning that as he rodded out the pipes that he would find a dead dog. 

I wasn't kidding and, I admit, I was kind of hoping.  It would have explained a lot.

Snow Bound Yet Again

This is what it looked like last week.

Stay tuned.

It will be here again on Wednesday night.

In all likelihood I will have to cancel yet another doctor's appointment.

Might not seem insurmountable; but with one barely functioning leg, one leg almost useless and agonizing, two aluminum canes, no boots, ice covered parking lot, and little physical confidence even this level of snow is able to cripple me.

Just kill me now.

God Bless Geeks

My favorite Geek agent found my I Tunes!

I knew they were in there someplace, but damn if I could ever locate them..  Click this, double click that, download the next thing.  My frustration level soared long before I even got close.  Plus I was terrified that I would inadvertently delete something I really wanted.  Or worse, something I didn't give a shit about but needed.

Lucky for me the young chap was more than patient, did not make me feel stupid, and laughed at all the right times.  Like magic!  I am in awe of folks who can decipher all this computer jazz and don't want to punch someone in the face.  Wait!  Of course they don't want to punch people; they understand all this crap and never lose their patience.

So now I have stuff that goes WWWwwwwaaaaay faster than it used to.  Puts things in alphabetical order all on its own.  And does not interrupt me with pesky updates when I am in the middle of something serious,  AND now I spend even more time drowning in the tears that come from listening to my favorite music.  This will cut into my nap time.

Broken Beauty

Need some inspiration.
Need some magic energy.
Need some really good reasons to not blow this damnable month to kingdom come.

Who thought old folks would cause such a rumpus?  Five squad cars and an ambulance outside Elder House for almost two hours.  One officer decked out in riot gear no less.  Sleep was impossible; and so I tugged myself up and watched the show.

Many of our residents are veterans of various battles.  They drink heavily.  They suffer with PTSD.  They are lonely, cranky, and hungry.  Volatile combinations under any circumstances.  Obviously  I assumed one or more of them had caused the ruckus.

 Ultimately the ambulance left empty and one tall, overall garbed young chap was escorted out.  He was driven elsewhere after promising not to return.  (When did officers become sympathetic?)  The remaining uniforms laughed and talked for another half hour.  Decompressing I suppose.  It seems the overall boy was refused money by a grandparent and so tore up the lobby and carpet in the elevator.  Also much, MUCH profanity.  Amazed even me.

NOT the kind of inspiration I was hoping for.

Lost Week

More and more than usual physical blockades.  Migration to new body parts.  These lessons are beyond me.

Could not write.  Could barely read.

Peeked in on the Cory Booker show.  Give the man a bounty of credit.  Until the $30 SNAP week experience is mandatory for anyone in government I fear this effort will be quickly forgotten.

Peeked in on the Sandusky show.  Poor thing.  He's chafing at the limitations of prison life.  Can anyone see that sentence and not burst into tears of laughter?  He wants to be placed in regular population.  Do It!  DO IT!

One of those will undoubtedly have a better week coming.  One deserves to rot in hell.  One is gritting teeth and begging for hope.

$1,800.00 Plus To Save For Something Really Cool

http://www.engadget.com/2011/11/15/the-north-face-announces-avalanche-airbag-safety-system-abs-ve/

I've seen the ads for these vests quite a bit lately; and so I did some more googling.  I was really curious.

For about $1,800.00 any daredevil can purchase this vest from the North Face.  Wear it on the way down the mountain and if you hear an avalanche approaching and have the presence of mind to yank the handle; two sort of pontoon shaped angel wings expand on your backside.  Then you should float over the surging avalanche and live happily ever after.

Such a cool idea!

Protecting the incredibly athletically inclined is one of to day's most pressing health issues.  And spending almost two thousand dollars for what is an ugly vest which may save one's life is certainly money well spent.  Explosion canister not included, but available at an added cost.  The fact that women's sizes were not marketed on any of the websites I checked goes without saying.  Female daredevils must be more cautious when considering avalanche country.  Clearly the North Face product engineers are at the top of their game.  And I will sleep more comfortably knowing that more wealthy men risking their lives are a bit more safely on scary mountainsides.

And yet I admit I just don't get it.  Chancing that a big old mountain would do its best to bury someone alive is not sounding like much fun.  I'll be happy to wait by the fire in the lodge.  Wine or hot chocolate not included.

I Wish I Had An Orange

This time of year and this particular season are incredibly difficult for me.

Learning lessons from the bleak outside changes and shivering through the dropping temperatures are unwelcome experiences.  Skies filled with potential of snow and other frozen problem makers fill me with dread.  And self-pity, of course.  These days I take almost everything personally.

And as my body interior systems continue to fail I desperately have to come up with new strategies to keep myself from jumping off a bridge.  I don't have an orange today.  I wonder if I can trick myself into accepting the canned peaches as a substitute.  This is what I am learning.  On Monday I will go to the grocery and hope that I remember to purchase an orange to be prepared for the next fruit crisis.  Sometime those substitutes just don't work.

Chores are different, too.  For me the ability to stand while doing a sink load of dirty dishes is a major accomplishment.  Who would ever thought I, of all people, would be proud of such a task?  And is it truly considered standing if I am leaning half of me against the counter while scrubbing?  And literally counting the seconds before I collapse in pain before I finish cleaning the silverware?  These are realities for me not whining.

Entertainment is parcelled between bathroom squabbles and repositioning the dead or dying body parts.  I don't know how else to describe it.  I wonder why it is organs that are broken or diseased or not longer functioning properly can be removed; but the leg which causes such agony and hinders so many life qualities cannot be sliced off and tossed in the rubbish heap.  Luckily I do not own a power saw.  This form of imagining is free amusement for the ill.

Anyway, I am getting through the days.  I wish I was more like the saints I read about years ago in catechism class.  They offered their suffering  quietly up to god.  My big secret even back then was that I thought they were all fools.  They endured their individual  excrutiations and didn't even allowed themselves to yell out loud.  Still, I imagine there is a sort of dignity in it.  I ain't got that skill.  And I do so wish I had an orange.

Time Is Different

10:47am.  Drowned down one painkiller tablet.
10:57am.  No change.
11:07am.  No change.
11:27am.  No change.  Screaming becomes ineffective.
11:37am.  Pain actually seems to be increasing.  Cannot move leg or toes on right side.
11:47am.  Pain continues.
12:07pm.  Pain continues.  Pillows are soaked in snot, tears, and sweat.
12:27pm.  Pain continues.  Attempt to apply some CBT.  Consider painting.
12:37pm.  Pain continues.  Now aware of additional back spasms.
12:47pm.  Painting is looking better than expected.  Cannot determine if pain has subsided to any extent.
1:07pm,   Painting completed. 
1:27pm.   Wash face and hands.  Stand.  Legs hurt equally.
2:07pm.   More than three hours of agony and I am able to hobble to my desk.

Happiness Beyond Compare

And last night I realized that they also make me strong.

I am overwhelmed by these individuals.

Gotta get Zootie here at the same time.

Thank you all!

I know how lucky I am to spend time with you.

Call me Grinny Grinnerson.

Terror For The Elderly

Yesterday I dropped my glasses on the floor.

Of course I was concerned whether or not they had been scratched or broken.  Or if one of the lenses had popped out and exploded.  And of course I immediately sobbed.

Because what I was most terrified was that I would not be able to pick the damn things up.

As it was it took almost twenty minutes to figure out a workable plan, gather the necessary implements, convince myself that I would not tumble off my gimpy leg, and capturing the specks without causing more damage.  I forgot how many attempts.  But it what LOTS.

When I finally put the glasses back on and they were all in one piece, thank heaven.  But I wasn't happy and relieved.  Nope.  I immediately thought that I never should have chosen that hideous color and what a damn gyp it is that as a poor nearly blind woman I cannot afford to purchase a spare pair.
 
Yes, I usually see from the dark side.  My glasses, the drinking kind of the wearing kind, are always half empty, filthy, and gouged to bits.

And I later had a terrifying dream about my grandmother and one of my aunts.  There were way too many visible scars.

Start The Day Out Right

Joy Joy Joy Unmatchable (Is That A Word?)

Friday is laundry day for me at Elder House.

Having clean sweats and bath towels and all is very nice.

But the best of all has nothing to do with laundry.

Most Friday afternoons my glorious Middle Daughter (I've got to find a better pseudonym for her.  "Middle" has some inappropriate connotations that don't hint at how swell this young woman is.) and her equally glorious little girl stop by.

Yeah, I know, my pictures are always blurry.

This is an old one anyway.

Check out those chocolate filled Twinkies.

Believe it or not those were a BIG disappointment.

Her Mommy lets me share one cookie or saltine with Miss Ellie Bananas.

Fair enough, it is close to her dinner time.

Twice now I offered the classic:

She doesn't have the hang of nibbling the cookie while it remains like a ring on her finger.  But she's got the gusto already!

This time I was left slathered in shortbread mush on both shoulders and chest.

I LOVE THOSE GIRLS!

Now if I can get the rest of my precious offspring and their precious offspring to drop by also...

Meanwhile I am revelling in those Lucky Fridays and nice clean clothes.

Must Calm Down

Phone calls. Done.  Done.  Sort of done.  One appointment made but I know the directions she gave me are impossible.  That street ends at a barber shop.  It's easy she said.  You won't get lost she said.  Obviously she does not know me.  I stayed polite but she actually said she had to answer another line.  Wait.  Please put on someone who speaks with a lesser accent.  Please help me.

How to ask to please speak to a speech therapist when you cannot speak well enough to make yourself understood?  What do I do?  Breathe, breathe.  I'm sick of breathing.  I'm sick of this being so difficult.  I'm sick of feeling so damn stupid.  I used to be able to do all these things.  Stop.  Stop.  Please do not sob.  Not again.

What if the referrals don't get here?  I didn't get the fax numbers and now they are all out for lunch.  After then the meds will slam me down to sleep.  No fair.  I'm trying so hard.  I know this crap is so boring to hear about.  Believe me, it's even more boring and scary to be the one at this end.  And now the charge is gone on the phone.  And so I will miss any return call and then get yelled at for not answering the line.  This, any of this, is complicated for a normal regular person.

I'm trying so hard.

Typical October Autumn

It seems this time last year the weather prophets were telling us all to prepare for the next storm of the century.  Good thing they had so many film titles to inspire their stories.  Perhaps they can just dust off the tapes or DVDs from last time and take the coming week off. 

Here in Land Oh Lincoln we will deal with residual frozen and rainy days for the next week or so.  The Buckeye Brother tells me he is not doing any preparations at all.  He lives on the edge.  This is a guy who continues to blow his fallen leaves into the nearby woods.  I adore his chutzpah.  Baby Sister has already dusted off her generators and stocked up on toilet paper, water and any other essentials.  She has children and a castle to protect; so she takes this seriously.  I adore her practicality.

And of course those Easterners have some serious weather stuff to deal with.

Old folks here at Elder House are scared.  Nobody has money or food at the end of the month.  Most have already had their obligatory visits with relatives.  Hopefully the hired help and charity service people will take up the slack for the seriously needy.  I've made a crock pot of pork roast and defrosted several extra loaves of bread.  Most of us intend to share.  I'm short on candles if it matters.

Meanwhile...mood indigo is another way to ride out a storm.

I Swear! I Googled Wes Anderson

Go Zombies!

So Very Nifty

Would've been really excellent.

But I'd have been guilty due to the cross country postal fee.

Thoughtful and kind in and of itself.

Quirky to be sure.

Cactus will take up space in the dark bowl.

The guitar shaped measures will be chomped on by Miss Ellie Bananas.

Use for the other items will be found.

Swanky, sparkly yarns.

Traditional tomato pin cushion (my first EVER).

Glittery rick rack, pastel figured ribbon and molded paper flowers.

Any one item would have been special and put to very good use.

All of them together, and a phone call, truly nifty galore!

Everything Buttons Can Do

But Why?

Farewell George

Never forgot the first time in a voting booth.

Predictions were so clear that Nixon would be elected.

Would my vote be wasted?

I had to do the right thing and I have always been proud that I did.

Senator McGovern became the first in a long line of liberal candidates I supported.

Often wondered how different our country would be if even a few of them had been elected.

Thanks, Senator, for trying.

We will keep up the faith.

Sad Rolls In

Made literally thirty plus phone calls attempting to complete doctor homework.

 Yes, I'd be happy to see you, sir, in another month if I could ever get through to your office to make another appointment.  That's a joke, right?  The earliest opening is the week before Christmas?

Hello?  Please.  To whom do I speak to request referral to specialists?  No, I don't have the name because the insurance has not located anyone nearer than 100 miles.  Well, she told me to get the referral first?  But, you say I should get the names first?  Tell you what, why don't you just sign the damn thing and send me a bunch of copies?

Morning and how sick am I of medical topics?!  Jillions!  There must be other subjects.  And fighting with the post office does not count.  And realizing all the sexy locations I am never going to be able to see don't count either.  I'd love to discuss the neighbor lady who abscond with one of my best lines to flirt with the UPS guy.  Damn her.  A conversation with someone interested in ephemera (Isn't that the coolest word?) projects and the crazy houseplants would be sweet.  First in line would be also.

And DO not tell me to stop whining and just get going.  This IS me not whining.  You ain't just NEVER seen the whining me.  As far as getting going is concerned?  Bite me.

Weekend Cha Cha Cha

• Beef stew turned out remarkably well.  Cooking for one is not especially complicated, but it does make for many leftovers.  This version will be welcomed on those freezing days ahead.  This time I poured in a can of golden mushroom soup.  Yum!  And since I had forgotten actual mushrooms again this was my pretend addition.
• Hope for one of the Pumpkin Selling Places could set up some sort of presidential voting.  Maybe: After the pumpkins are purchased the customer drops a clothespin or a penny or something in a glass jar for either candidate.  Tally up and winner takes all.  Announce on debate days.  Better photo op than Ann in her designer duds or the President passing out pizza.  Good for the pumpkin growers of America, too?
• Please do not let this be a hernia.
• Brother talk is becoming one of my favorite part of the day. Wherever would I learn so much about the art of leaf removal?
• New neighbor here at Elder House.  I hope they learn the parking rules fairly quickly.  I can ignore the three hours of rented truck on Saturday; but the extra overnight visitors nonono.  Get across the street with the drivers who can also walk or take a chance of being towed.  There are clearly "Tenants Only" signs. Please leave the spaces to us gimps.
• Rain finished at the perfect time.  Thanks very much. 
• What's happening with all the bloggers?  Not the fakers who read and sneer.  The actual writers who extend themselves, entertain, share and inform and become welcome sections of the day seem to be taking many days off.  Perhaps they are stashing up many nifty posts for the future.
• Right now, that's all I got.  Tune in another time.