Broken Beauty

Need some inspiration.
Need some magic energy.
Need some really good reasons to not blow this damnable month to kingdom come.

Who thought old folks would cause such a rumpus?  Five squad cars and an ambulance outside Elder House for almost two hours.  One officer decked out in riot gear no less.  Sleep was impossible; and so I tugged myself up and watched the show.

Many of our residents are veterans of various battles.  They drink heavily.  They suffer with PTSD.  They are lonely, cranky, and hungry.  Volatile combinations under any circumstances.  Obviously  I assumed one or more of them had caused the ruckus.

 Ultimately the ambulance left empty and one tall, overall garbed young chap was escorted out.  He was driven elsewhere after promising not to return.  (When did officers become sympathetic?)  The remaining uniforms laughed and talked for another half hour.  Decompressing I suppose.  It seems the overall boy was refused money by a grandparent and so tore up the lobby and carpet in the elevator.  Also much, MUCH profanity.  Amazed even me.

NOT the kind of inspiration I was hoping for.

Farewell George

Never forgot the first time in a voting booth.

Predictions were so clear that Nixon would be elected.

Would my vote be wasted?

I had to do the right thing and I have always been proud that I did.

Senator McGovern became the first in a long line of liberal candidates I supported.

Often wondered how different our country would be if even a few of them had been elected.

Thanks, Senator, for trying.

We will keep up the faith.

Sad Rolls In

Made literally thirty plus phone calls attempting to complete doctor homework.

 Yes, I'd be happy to see you, sir, in another month if I could ever get through to your office to make another appointment.  That's a joke, right?  The earliest opening is the week before Christmas?

Hello?  Please.  To whom do I speak to request referral to specialists?  No, I don't have the name because the insurance has not located anyone nearer than 100 miles.  Well, she told me to get the referral first?  But, you say I should get the names first?  Tell you what, why don't you just sign the damn thing and send me a bunch of copies?

Morning and how sick am I of medical topics?!  Jillions!  There must be other subjects.  And fighting with the post office does not count.  And realizing all the sexy locations I am never going to be able to see don't count either.  I'd love to discuss the neighbor lady who abscond with one of my best lines to flirt with the UPS guy.  Damn her.  A conversation with someone interested in ephemera (Isn't that the coolest word?) projects and the crazy houseplants would be sweet.  First in line would be also.

And DO not tell me to stop whining and just get going.  This IS me not whining.  You ain't just NEVER seen the whining me.  As far as getting going is concerned?  Bite me.

Cheer Me Up!

Today is Blood Test Day and, of course I am sinking fast.  Usual terror.  Usual cigarette desire.  Usual imagining car catastrophes and traffic conflagrations.

Usual forgetting that these things usually work out and I make it home in one piece.  Usual forgetting that I promised myself to think of it as an interesting adventure and not another torturous phenomenon.  Try to at least think of it as a learning experience.

At least  eight vials of blood.  The coolest one is to test for some kind of genetic defect.

Then I'll really know who to blame.

Doldrums

It is really hot and I am hiding inside.  I crank up the air conditioner and perch in front of my laptop and try to get something productive done.  These things usually produce nothing tangible; nothing I can hold up at the end of the day and say, "There!  See what I did!"  And so I usually feel as if I have accomplished nothing.  Another lesson that has been gouged into my soul.

It is really hot and I want to gulp down my lovely pain meds, stretch out as far as I can on my shabby, hideous bed, read and nap.  Almost comfortable and I can convince myself that I am adding to the ever increasing wisdom and information stored inside my mind.  My leg hurts least in this position.

When it is really hot like this I have to work hard to persuade myself that it is OK to keep the AC set at a temperature that I find comfortable.  I pay the electric bill; so the extravagance of a nice cool room is my burden.  But that nagging, sniping voice picks at me telling me how wasteful I am.  I value being economical (and that is another lesson that runs very deep) but I hate sweating.  Especially sweating when I am sitting still.  Making phone calls is work sometimes; and I can't work when perspiration is dripping under my glasses.  I fight the guilt.  The noise makes me cringe.

I'm glad the power here at Elder House is still functioning.  But I can't wait for autumn.

And So I

Gathered together all the books for Library Guy

Made three new hair clips

Found a dazzling new afghan pattern

Phoned Baby Sister

Listened to a strange animal noise outside my bedroom

Addressed envelopes

Pondered the "Kerry Weaver" crutch as a possibility

Drooled over the chicken taquito fragrance from the mainentance guy's lunch

Took some photos as my ficus slowly gives up the ghost

Crocheted just a little

Cleaned the top of my dresser

Organized photos in the ultimate photo box

Stayed very quiet

Nope, Not Today

Sorry, I had a terrific post planned for today, but Nora Ephron died yesterday.

I feel as if I have lost a dear friend.

And since they are few and far between for me, I am going to pause this day and mourn the loss of a great lady.


Farewell, Nora, and thank you.